second thoughts

So the other day I subbed for one of my favorite teachers. It was a hot day, and there were a couple of beginners in the class. The class got off to a late start because people were still filling out waivers 10 minutes after class was supposed to start. One of "my students" was a retired teacher who seems to attend classes every day, so I have been in quite a lot of classes with him. He can do arm balances that I cannot (yet) do. I had the thought: What made me think I am ready to teach my fellow students? I haven't learned everything there is to learn about yoga yet! And yet I know fully well that teaching allows one to continue to be a student from a different perspective and learn on a deeper level. And as I am continually reminded, one is never done learning yoga. There are many things that others can do that I cannot, and yet there are also things I cannot do that others may find difficult.

This week my theme for the classes I taught was based on my experience in the 5K last week - when I found myself running with others. I thought about how long it took me not to compare myself to the people on the other mats. I think it took me over a year before I even talked to my fellow students. I guess I had to pretend they weren't there, so I would keep going back after I realized how hard yoga can be. I still have a bad habit of unintentionally ignoring people when I am nervous or unsure of myself. And yet I realized this week that I am not really nervous in front of a class of my peers any more. Giving adjustments allows a compassionate perspective on where students may be struggling. So what I shared with my classes is that as solitary as our practices and goal setting can be, whether the practice is running or biking or yoga, we go to classes to be in community. There are little ways we can encourage one another, like when a fellow student told me she saw me "get" an arm balance. I used to be self-conscious of my Ujjayi breathing until a teacher pointed out that audible breathing reminds others to breathe. Right before class, as if to illustrate what I was about to say, I watched a student introduce herself to another student, saying "I've been in so many classes with you, I figured it was time to introduce myself." A couple of days later, one of my friends from teacher training visited my class, and her presence was so encouraging to me - as was the presence of the friend for whom I was subbing.

So although we are on our individual mats alone, how can we take notice of the encouragement we have to offer our fellow students - and the encouragement they have for us?